


Tears in Moonlight

by ColdFront



Category: citrus - サブロウタ | citrus - Saburouta
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Light Yuzu/Harumin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:06:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23048251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColdFront/pseuds/ColdFront
Summary: A heartbroken Mei has a talk with Matsuri, and finds they have more in common than either of them ever realized.
Relationships: Aihara Mei/Mizusawa Matsuri
Kudos: 26





	Tears in Moonlight

"You have got to be fucking kidding me."

Mei tore her eyes away from the pastries in a vendor stall, and waited to see if Matsuri was inclined to elaborate on her outburst. Matsuri stood stone-still, her expression contorted with... anger? Disgust? She paid no mind to the crowds of people passing, and her eyes were fixed on-

Ah.

Yuzu - _her_ Yuzu - was hand in hand with Harumi Taniguchi, a taiyaki dangling half-forgotten from her free hand. Their lips were pressed together, and Mei noticed Yuzu was blushing and wide-eyed. Mei's chest tightened, and the sights and sounds of the festival around her seemed to fade around the edges, like something distant or unreal - the ghost of a festival, the ghost of a world, smiles and laughter and conversation from a thousand miles away. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, and ran.

* * *

The trail through the hills above the shrine was empty, and so was the grassy overlook it led to. The shrine waited below, gleaming with the lights of the festival, and Mei knew that somewhere among the distant crowds of people Yuzu and Taniguchi were together, doing - what? Wandering through the crowds hand in hand, laughing, sharing desserts, making out?

_It's not like I get to complain. How many times did I tell her this was a bad idea? And, oh right, it was my idea for us to take a break._

Mei allowed herself a laugh at her own stupidity, a strangled sound that came out more like a hiccup. "Idiot," she murmured to herself.

"You or her? Because I think either one probably works," came a voice from behind her, and Matsuri emerged from the trees like a pink-haired ghost. She sat down next to Mei, and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Can't say I didn't warn you, though."

"You followed me." Mei didn't even try to hide the annoyance from her voice. "I came up here for a reason, and it didn't actually involve spending quality time with you."

"You noticed! I always knew you were smart, Mei-chan," Matsuri said. "You know, me and you both agree you're an idiot, right? But I'm even worse. Know why?"

"Because you're still lusting after Yuzu, I assume."

Matsuri turned to Mei and stuck her tongue out. "You're so predictable, Mei-chan. But you're wrong. I actually tried to do the moving-on thing. Yuzu seemed happy with you, and..." she shrugged. "I'm not one to push when I know I've lost. It's pathetic when people do."

Mei laid back, and stared up at the moon. The cool grass poked against her back, and she realized she should probably be worried about staining her yukata, but she couldn't quite bring herself to care. "Taniguchi, then."

"Yep!" Mei heard Matsuri lay back next to her with a quiet fwump. "I was actually going to try making a move tonight. It's mostly why I came along to this - I don't normally go to festivals." For just a moment, Mei could hear something break through the younger girl's facade of confidence - as subtle a single breath in a typhoon, but impossible to ignore. "Harumin is... nice, you know? I don't have to fake anything around her. I can't be mysterious and smart and badass like you."

"I'm sorry," Mei whispered, and she meant it. She hadn't had the best start with Matsuri, and it would be a stretch to say she particularly liked her - but Matsuri, through all her manipulations and games, was still a fragile, loving person at heart. "And... thank you. For taking care of Yuzu. I'm not very good at it."

"You're joking, right?" Matsuri said, with something that was halfway between a laugh and a sob. "I tried to steal her from you. I tried to be enough for her. And I hated you a little, but mostly I wanted to be like you. And I tried to- to make you do something bad." Matsuri's hand touched Mei's, and Mei ignored the initial temptation to pull away.

"Matsuri... why did you do that? How did you think Yuzu would react if she found out you tried to get me to sleep with some random guy?"

"I guess I never thought that far ahead. I hated you a little, and I thought if I could just push you away for a little bit so Yuzu would listen to me, maybe things would be different." Matsuri paused. "What did Yuzu do when you told her I blackmailed you?"

"I never did. She never knew the whole story."

"Huh." Matsuri's grip on Mei's hand tightened. "Um... why not?"

Mei had to think about that. Part of her still resented Matsuri, and despised her for daring to interfere, for daring to try to take Mei's place, for daring to coerce her into doing something she would have regretted. "Because... Yuzu needs you, I suppose. You care about her, and look out for her, and in the end nothing happened. Don't ever try something like that again, though."

"I won't."

A cold breeze blew over the hill, and Mei shivered. She knew she had to go home eventually. There would be a conversation with Yuzu, there would be mutual tears, Mei would inevitably end up saying the wrong thing, and Yuzu would drift further away. Predictability was nice, in a way. Fewer surprises when things inevitably went to hell.

Matsuri rolled closer to her with a rustle of grass and leaves. "It hurts, Mei-chan," she said in a broken whisper. "Why is it never me that anyone needs? Why am I not enough?"

Mei shifted onto her side, and looked into Matsuri's eyes, which shone with tears and moonlight. "I think... maybe nobody ever is." Mei reached out a hand, and gently caressed Matsuri's hair. "I'm sorry." For a moment, Matsuri just stared at Mei. Then, with a muted cry, she buried her head in Mei's chest, and shook with silent, wracking sobs. Mei just held her, and ran her fingers through her hair. It was the only thing she could do. They stayed like that a while, two empty girls embracing on an empty hilltop, as the stars wheeled overhead. Matsuri stopped crying, but she kept holding on to Mei as if she was the only thing preventing her from falling into the sky.

"Hey, Mei-chan?"

"Hmm?"

"We have to go back soon, right?"

"We probably should, yes. I don't want to either."

Matsuri drew away, and stood up, glancing down at the shrine. "I can face it. I always have." Mei was a little stiff after hours of holding Matsuri, but she got up too. "But before we go down, I want to tell you something, Mei-chan."

"What's that?"

"You matter to me." Matsuri turned to Mei with a sad smile, and Mei could feel herself blushing furiously. "And I'm sorry for... lots of stuff," Matsuri continued, and wrapped her arms tightly around Mei. Mei hugged her back, and for a moment of pure impulse, her lips met those of her - rival? friend? Something else entirely? The chill of the night and the sounds of the festival below faded into irrelevance for a moment.

As they separated, Matsuri's smile looked a little less sad. "Let's go get all of this over with, yeah?" she asked.

"Yeah."

It would hurt - but maybe, just maybe, that was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a very different fic. I realize Mei/Matsuri borders on crackship territory, but something about it really works for me.


End file.
